Third Wiseman Brings Gift Of Gold, Others Feel Silly

December 25, 0001

By Rob Jones

BETHLEHEM - Early Tuesday morning, in a stable in Judea, two wiseman felt overshadowed by their third travel companion's gift of gold. Reportedly, the three men from the orient had traveled field and fountain, moor and mountain, following yonder star to bring gifts to a local newborn child. The first and second wisemen's gifts, frankincense and myrrh, are types of incense, made from tree sap resin.

"I just don't think incense is an appropriate gift for the redeemer of all mankind. It doesn't take a wiseman to know that," said the third wiseman, adding that he didn't know why the other two were mad at him.

The child, named Jesus, and otherwise known as Christ, the Good Shepherd, King of Kings, the Lamb of god, Lord, Lord of Lords, Messiah, Prince of Peace, Redeemer, Savior, and Son of Man, was wrapped in clothing, laying in a nearby horse trough.

Said the first wiseman, "he's always doing this. I thought we agreed we would keep our gifts reasonable, but then he goes and brings gold! I may be wise, but I'm not rich! How stupid do we look now?"

Replied Mary, the mother,"Incense?!? I just gave birth in a livestock stable, for Christ's sake! How about a blanket or crib or something? What the hell am I going to do with incense?"

The child's father, Joseph, a carpenter, said,"this is off the record, but to be honest, I don't think the kid is mine. We just had sex about 8 months ago. I mean, I can do the math. A paternity test will tell."

Jesus Christ was not available for comment.

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