Local Smackhead Doing His Part To Fend Off Looming Recession

January 29, 2008

By Rob Jones

Under the menacing shadow of a possible recession for the U.S., a San Francisco heroine addict has stepped up his contribution to the local economy.

In the face of increasing national economic woes, one man who is known only as "Sherman" is fighting back. Monday morning at 9:30 a.m., despite the recent plunge of the Dow Jones and S & P 500, Sherman upped his usual heroin purchase from one cap to two.

Sherman, who can frequently be found at the corner of Leavenworth Street and Eddy St in San Francisco's Tenderloin neighborhood, is thoroughly convinced that the path to an economic turnaround and recovery lies in increased spending by the American public.

Said the middle-aged junkie, "We's gotta buy more shit, and this ain't no shitty Nixon, neither. This some fuckin' primo China Cat."

Sherman's actions have inspired others to follow suit in taking a proactive stance against the laggard economy.

Shyra, area crackwhore, later Monday afternoon, used cash earned from tricks to purchase her black rock, rather than trading sexual favors for some Cloud Nine.

We can all learn from these small heroes.

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