Moron Inspires New Warning Label

January 30, 2008

By Rob Jones

In a press release early Wednesday morning, Proctor & Gamble issued a public apology for 250,000 sticks of deodorant which were shipped to stores and sold to the general public with a label on the side reading, "Warning: You Are A Fucking Moron!"

The company statement read, "We at Proctor & Gamble sincerely apologize for the crude language found on our Gillette brand deodorant sticks on the January 28, 2007 shipment. We regret any offense this irresponsible act has caused. The employee responsible for this unacceptable language has been terminated and is no longer employed at Proctor & Gamble. Proctor & Gamble is a company which stands for family values, and the language in this horrible label goes against everything which our company stands for. Again, we apologize sincerely."

Mike Thompson, of Springfield, Illinois, was responsible for the switch. Thompson, the now former employee of the claims & liability department for the Gillette division, apparently snapped after a long, drawn out lawsuit with a Gillette customer who he referred to as "a fucking retarded moron."

The courts ruled in favor of Gillette in the case of this man's injuries. Nevertheless, Proctor & Gamble had decided to affix a new warning label, "Warning: Not For Consumption" to its Gillette brand deodorant sticks.

Mike Thompson remains unemployed, and was last seen reportedly standing in the street in downtown Springfield screaming, "You're all fucking morons!" at the top of his lungs.

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