Large Cappucino Fails To Make Douchebag Appear Intellectual

January 24, 2008

By Rob Jones

At 2:30pm this afternoon, Jeffery Scott ordered a cappuccino in the large mug, and despite his best efforts and intentions, he remained yet a douchebag.

"What'll it be, sir," the petite barista girl with the fringed hairdo asked. "Cappuccino," the young man replied, "in the large mug." He glanced around the shop, silently searching the crowd for some recognition of his abstract nature, but no pair of eyes locked on his.

For an hour and fifteen minutes, from 2:30pm to 3:45pm, Scott, a regular frequenter of the local coffee shop, The Java Hangout, sat in his distressed leather chair, perusing trendy music websites on his Apple PowerBook laptop. Yet to his utter surprise, not a single eyebrow was raised towards his British Indie Band inspired haircut.

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Even with his Urban Outfitters khaki, double-breasted, twill trench coat, the other Java patrons remained ignorant of the cerebral expression on his face, a clear indication of his creative prowess.

When questioned about Scott's complexity, Julie Anderson, another Java Hangout regular said, "Who, that guy? What a fucking douchebag!"

But Jeffery Scott will be back tomorrow, large cappuccino mug in hand, perhaps with a mustache.