George W. Bush Issues Executive Order For Pizza And Hot Wings

January 12, 2008

by Rob Jones

Late Friday night, George W. Bush exercised his executive power as the President of the United States, signing an Executive Order to have pizza and hot wings delivered to the oval office. The order followed his announcement of his "special yearly meeting to discuss important government stuff." Attendees to the meeting will include Bush's cabinet, as well as several independent contractors, many of whom coincidentally belong to Bush's Yale fraternity, Delta Kappa Epsilon.

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The text of the Executive Order reads as follows:

By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, it is hereby ordered as follows:

Okay, let's get three large pepperonis, two large sausages, two large cheesers, three large everything except onions. They make Cheney gassy. We can't have him stinkin' up the Oval Office. Oh, and three dozen hot wings and six two liters of Coke.

Each U.S. president has issued executive orders since George Washington for many things, ranging in scope from defining the design of the U.S. flag to initiating wars.

Executive orders have come under criticism at times as allowing the President to bypass Congress in making laws and to alter existing laws from their original mandate. Of thousands of executive orders, only two have ever been overturned, one by President Harry S. Truman in 1952 and one by President Bill Clinton in 1999. As it requires a two thirds majority vote by Congress, it is extremely difficult for an executive order to be overturned.

Said Senator John McCain(R-AZ), "I, of course, don't think it's very likely that this directive will be overturned, but I certainly have doubts about whether the President's motives are in the best interest of the citizens of the United States." Replied Bush, "Oh, McCain's just riled up, cuz he wasn't invited to the special yearly meeting."

The aforementioned meeting is scheduled to take place Sunday, February 3, 2008, incidentally coinciding with Super Bowl XXLI.